It's hard to believe that bumper stickers are still prevalent in America today. After all, car lovers hate them because they deface a perfectly good machine. Auto dealers hate them because they're difficult to remove from trade-in vehicles. And since many bumper stickers are political in nature, that means about half of everyone hates the sentiment displayed on them (auto insurance companies probably aren’t happy about those angry drivers, either).
But what's even worse is the plethora of outdated bumper stickers that are still seen on motor vehicles today. Here are ten of the worst offenders.
1. http://www.bumperstickerz.com/images/1000035-09-09-09-00_lg.png
Okay, follow this logic: if people are close enough to your car to read this bumper sticker, they're probably in traffic. That means they'd probably rather be anywhere else than they are now. It's not an earth-shattering statement.
2. http://origin.kaboodle.com/hi/img/b/0/0/156/5/AAAAC682oJcAAAAAAVZQ_g.jpg?v=1305434781000
This stopped being cutesy a long time ago. And think about this: if you do have a baby in your car with you, he/she is less likely to harmed by a tailgating motorist and more likely to get hurt when you run off the road because you're too busy trying to keep the little rugrat happy.
3. http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/4/5/4/0/7/3/webimg/543339951_o.jpg
Remember when this was sooooo edgy? Today, this naughty word can be heard daily on cable programs (and even late-evening network shows). So it's about as novel as saying "H-E-double hockey sticks."
4. http://bighappyfaces.com/happy-face-bumper-sticker.gif
Believe it or not, this phrase was once a genuine expression of wishing someone well. Now, it's usually taken to be sarcastic and thoughtless. And, no -- the cheesy smiley face doesn't make it sincere.
Oh, look. It's "Calvin" relieving himself again on something that the vehicle's driver doesn't like. This motorist's idea of "highbrow comedy" must be fart jokes and off-color limericks. Stay classy, sir/ma'am.
6. http://largeself.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/bumper-sticker-1.jpg?w=584&h=146
What does this even mean, anyway? "The totality of your acts in your current state of existence just overran my theological doctrines to which I strictly adhere?" Wow. That's a real-knee slapper.
7. http://www.uwgb.edu/univcomm/photoblog/images/bumpers/brake.jpg
Yeah, anybody would. But it's not the unicorns part of this sticker that's annoying. Whatever the object of this prepositional phrase may be, it's natural to assume that you would apply your brakes if it jumped out in front of you. (Side note: saying that you "brake" for something does not completely eliminate the possibility that you will still run over it.)
8. http://www.calendarholdings.com/amazonimages/201100011146.jpg
Nothing against Airedales (I'm sure they're nice animals), but can we really put the "I Heart" quips to rest already? Think about this: if you want that someone special to say "I love you" more often (or at all), then don't implicitly encourage the abbreviation and undermining of saying the actual word by putting this stupid sticker on your car.
9. http://www.zazzle.com/honk_if_you_are_horny_bumper_sticker-128662657401640808
Please. A) If you're horny, nobody really cares. B) Nowadays, honking is more likely to get you the finger instead of "digits." C) If you want to be noticed by the opposite sex, lose the bumper sticker and drive a more expensive car.
10. http://www.magnetdog.com/images/product/medium/CS08FCA.jpg
This one takes the cake. So the fruit of your loins can get good grades in a public school. Bully for him/her! Do you think that actually makes you a good parent? Because chances are good that your kid is painfully embarrassed by you loudly proclaiming his teacher's-pet status to the entire freakin' world!
http://www.bumperstickerz.com/sku/1000035-09-09-09-00
http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/unique-baby-on-board-keep-distance--unique-3-in-1-design-bumper-sticker-sign.-you-can-also-cut-it-as-baby-on-board-or-keep-distance.-it-is-safer-as-it-wont-block-your-back-window-view....
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Brand-New-Decal-Bumper-Sticker-S-t-Happens-/250984749991
http://bighappyfaces.com/
http://craigtovey.blogspot.com/2007/06/license-plate-frames-and-other-ways-to.html
http://largeself.com/2012/06/27/bumper-sticker-philosophy/
http://www.uwgb.edu/univcomm/photoblog/bumpercrop.htm
http://www.irongarmx.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=622549&sid=8013ab8f3e107b18461c5273efdb0d8c
http://www.magnetdog.com/pc-112-41-my-child-is-an-honor-student-bumper-sticker-magnet.aspx
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